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Saying she was merely excited to support U.S. athletes, First Daughter Ivanka Trump clarified that her trip to the Winter Olympics would not be spent... [Read More]
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OXFORD, ENGLAND—International nongovernmental organization Oxfam announced a new pledge campaign Thursday requesting help in their effort to protect impoverished girls from sexual predation at the... [Read More]
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SPARKS, MD—Noting that the extensive program would significantly cut into their workday, employees at digital agency IMERQ were reportedly annoyed Thursday at having to attend... [Read More]
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Essential oils have grown increasingly popular as natural remedies for common health problems, but their actual effectiveness is the subject of much debate. The Onion... [Read More]
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CORPUS CHRISTI, TX—Staring in awe at the total goddamn renegade in the front pew, witnesses told reporters Sunday that badass churchgoer Frank Wittman knew the... [Read More]
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Neurologists at the University of California found that moderate drinking is linked to living longer than 90, with 2 glasses of beer or wine per... [Read More]
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PEACHAM, VT—Telling friends and neighbors to flee for their lives before it was too late, the nation's beekeepers stated Thursday they were unsure how much... [Read More]
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George and Amal Clooney will attend the March For Our Lives in Florida and have donated $500,000 to the cause of gun reform. What do... [Read More]
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THE HEAVENS—As he entered the Pearly Gates and walked the gold-paved streets of God's Eternal Kingdom, the late Rev. Billy Graham was reportedly so overwhelmed... [Read More]
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MILWAUKEE, WI—Concluding that his culinary efforts should "do the trick," area man Charlie Frye was reportedly just going to assume Wednesday that what he had... [Read More]
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CLEVELAND—Carefully observing the senior citizen for signs showing his level of commitment to the job, passengers in the car of 81-year-old Uber driver Cordell Eddings... [Read More]
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WILLIAMSPORT, PA—Citing the numerous negative effects of acting like a total puss, the nation's older brothers issued a joint statement Wednesday strongly recommending not being... [Read More]
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BETHESDA, MD— Admitting they were unable to recall a survey even remotely so one-sided, researchers from the National Institutes of Health released comprehensive data Wednesday... [Read More]
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